It's funny how this quote is really been sitting with me for the past few days. It's a time of transition, everything about my life is changing very, very soon. I could pass my test, find a job, by a new car, and leave my high school waitressing job behind me.
I cannot deny its a little bit terrifying. I literally have no idea what I am doing with my life at this moment. I can do absolutely whatever I want as of next week because I
And yet, here I am terrified because I have to make a decision, I have to decide on an actual path. Granted its sure as hell not paved and isn't as pretty and it won't be the same path I'll travel forever. There will be curves, and forks. I will probably have to pave one for myself at some point. But what I've realized in the past few weeks that I'm not afraid of change. I think successfully navigating through college and grad school has taught me to embrace change. That change is okay. I am more afraid of making a choice.
I have never really made a huge choice for myself. The grades I got in school were to please my parents and to eventually get into college. The jobs I've taken are because of family friends. The car I have is because it was cheap and a quality car (at the time, it's falling apart now after years of wear and tear). The college I went to was chosen because my dad worked there and it meant a huge tuition benefit for me. Don't get my wrong, I loved my school and it gave me a fantastic education. But sometimes I wonder what might have happened if I ended up going to UCONN, because it was a good state school, moving out of state, or going to a city in Boston or New York?
Realizing this is scary, particularly because it's now all on me. Coupled with the fact that everything I am used it is changing. I can't spend my days laying around on tumblr and facebook. I'm going to need a new car ASAP because mine is pretty pathetic. But I cant just sit back and not do anything (this is because Sallie Mae will want payment and my meager waitressing job isn't going to cut it).
But I can do it. And it will be okay. I think the whole point of this is that I'm supposed to be confused and afraid. I've spent my whole life doing exactly what I was supposed to in regards to my education, and now that that is over I can grow.
When I was finishing my last year of school I realized how scared I was, but in the last year I've become a little bit excited. I know it is not going to be easy and that I will struggle and make mistakes. But I can only get better and happier and that's how I am going to take this next adventure. It can only go up.
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